Jokes!!

Country Doctors
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."

"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," they younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"

"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait'".

Kevin turned to his younger brother said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

*************************

*My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack. "Doctor," she
pleaded with her cardiologist, "you must keep me alive for the next two
years. I want to attend my first grandchild's bar mitzvah."*
*
"We'll try," he replied compassionately.

In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.
Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter is to
be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding."

"We'll do our best," he replied.

And my friend happily attended her granddaughter' s wedding.

Ten years passed. Ada visited her cardiologist regularly and followed
his instructions religiously. One morning she called him. "Doctor," she
began, "I'm feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you:

Remember how you saw me through to my grandson's bar mitzvah?"

"Yes."

"And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter' s wedding?"

"Yes."

"Well, as you know I've just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just
bought myself a new mattress."

"Yes?"

"It has a 20-year guarantee... "
*

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A man knocked the door of house. The lady opened the door.

The man said, "I am the here on the run, to fix your leaky pipe."

The Lady said, "We don't have any leaky pipe here."

The plumber on run, says, "My note reads, your house called for a Plumbing
Emergency, address looks exact, Aren't you Mrs. Mathur?"

The Lady says, "No, Mathurs moved away about a year back from this house. We
are Sharmas."

The plumber grimaces, "What kind of people are they, Calls for an Emergency
repair and then move away."
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A blonde, socially ridiculed decided to hang herself from
a tree in the park and commit suicide. A little bit later, an old
lady walked around noticed her hanging from the rope and swinging.
She asked her what she was doing and if she needed any help.

The blonde firmly replied, "I am committing suicide by hanging."

The old lady says, "You are doing it wrong sweetie, put the noose around
your neck not the Waist."

The blonde responses, "Ya giving me trouble again, I tried that, "but I
could not breathe."