• Rajanikanth makes onions cry.
• Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
• Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
• Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain..
• Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
• Rajanikanth can drown a fish.
• When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,......... . .... he turns the dark off.
• When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.
• Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
• The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.
• Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
• Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.
• A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
• Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
• If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajanikanth? " It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
• Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
• Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
• When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
• Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
• Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
• Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
• Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
• It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
• Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.
• Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
• Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
• With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
• The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.
• When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.
• Want some more????
• Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
• Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.
• Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.
• There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
• Rajnikant's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
• Rajnikant can divide by zero.
• Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant turnaround kick.
• When taking the GRE, write "Rajnikant" for every answer. You will score over 1600.
• Rajnikant has 12 moons. One of those moon s is the Earth.
• An old English dictionary dating back to 1236... It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Rajnikant"
• If you Google search "Rajnikant getting kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
• Rajnikant can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
• The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, because Rajnikant lives in Chennai.
• Thousands of years ago Rajnikant came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendants now have white hair
Saturday, May 01, 2010
DAILY SURVIVAL KIT
*D**A**I**L* *Y **S**U**R**V* *I**V**A* *L **K**I**T*
*to help you each day......... ...*
*Toothpick** ... to remind you to pick the good qualities in everyone,
including yourself.*
*Rubber band** ... to remind you to be flexible. Things might not always go
the way you want, but it can be worked out.*
*Band-Aid** ... to remind you to heal hurt feelings, either yours or someone
else's.*
*Eraser** ... to remind you everyone makes mistakes. That's okay, we learn
by our errors.*
*Candy Kiss** ... to remind you everyone needs a hug or a compliment
everyday.*
*Mint **... to remind you that you are worth a mint to your family & Me.*
*Bubble Gum** ... to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish
anything.*
*Pencil** ... to remind you to list your blessings every day.*
*Tea Bag** ... to remind you to take time to relax daily and go over that
list of God's blessings.*
*This is what makes life worth living every minute, every day*
*Wishing you love, gratitude, friends to cherish, caring, sharing, laughter,
music, and warm feelings in your** **heart.***
God gives cloth, wood and fire even to a dead man,
It is so sad that the living man keeps worrying...
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing
it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."-Buddha
A good way to change someones attitude is to change our own, because the
same sun that melts butter, also hardens clay!
Life is as we think it, so think beautifully.
*to help you each day......... ...*
*Toothpick** ... to remind you to pick the good qualities in everyone,
including yourself.*
*Rubber band** ... to remind you to be flexible. Things might not always go
the way you want, but it can be worked out.*
*Band-Aid** ... to remind you to heal hurt feelings, either yours or someone
else's.*
*Eraser** ... to remind you everyone makes mistakes. That's okay, we learn
by our errors.*
*Candy Kiss** ... to remind you everyone needs a hug or a compliment
everyday.*
*Mint **... to remind you that you are worth a mint to your family & Me.*
*Bubble Gum** ... to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish
anything.*
*Pencil** ... to remind you to list your blessings every day.*
*Tea Bag** ... to remind you to take time to relax daily and go over that
list of God's blessings.*
*This is what makes life worth living every minute, every day*
*Wishing you love, gratitude, friends to cherish, caring, sharing, laughter,
music, and warm feelings in your** **heart.***
God gives cloth, wood and fire even to a dead man,
It is so sad that the living man keeps worrying...
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing
it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."-Buddha
A good way to change someones attitude is to change our own, because the
same sun that melts butter, also hardens clay!
Life is as we think it, so think beautifully.
YOUR LIFE IS AT RISK
No wonder more folks are dying from cancer than ever before. We wonder where this stuff comes from but here is an example that explains a lot of the cancer causing incidents. Hmmm. Many people are in their cars first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, 7 days a week. As I read this, it makes me feel guilty and ill. Guess its not too late to make some changes.
Car A/C (Air Conditioning) MUST READ!!!
Please do NOT turn on A/C as soon as you enter the car.
Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the AC after a couple of minutes.
Here's why:
According to a research, the car dashboard, sofa, air freshener emit Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen - take time to observe the smell of heated plastic in your car).
In addition to causing cancer, Benzene poisons your bones, causes anemia and reduces white blood cells.
Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia, increasing the risk of cancer.
Can also cause miscarriage.
Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft. A car parked indoors with windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene.
If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level.
People who get into the car, keeping windows closed will inevitably inhale, in quick succession, excessive amounts of the toxin.
Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver.. What's worse, it is extremely difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.
So friends, please open the windows and door of your car - give time for interior to air out -dispel the deadly stuff - before you enter.
Thought:
'When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.'
Car A/C (Air Conditioning) MUST READ!!!
Please do NOT turn on A/C as soon as you enter the car.
Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the AC after a couple of minutes.
Here's why:
According to a research, the car dashboard, sofa, air freshener emit Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen - take time to observe the smell of heated plastic in your car).
In addition to causing cancer, Benzene poisons your bones, causes anemia and reduces white blood cells.
Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia, increasing the risk of cancer.
Can also cause miscarriage.
Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft. A car parked indoors with windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene.
If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level.
People who get into the car, keeping windows closed will inevitably inhale, in quick succession, excessive amounts of the toxin.
Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver.. What's worse, it is extremely difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.
So friends, please open the windows and door of your car - give time for interior to air out -dispel the deadly stuff - before you enter.
Thought:
'When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.'
Dedicated to all the helpless employees!!!!!!!!!!!
Mistakes and Mistakes
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a NEW STYLE
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a New Path
If an engineer makes a mistake,
It is a NEW VENTURE
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a NEW GENERATION
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a NEW LAW
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a NEW INVENTION
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a NEW FASHION
If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a NEW THEORY
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a New idea
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a Mistake Only
From
EMPLOYEE
Mistakes and Mistakes
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a NEW STYLE
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a New Path
If an engineer makes a mistake,
It is a NEW VENTURE
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a NEW GENERATION
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a NEW LAW
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a NEW INVENTION
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a NEW FASHION
If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a NEW THEORY
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a New idea
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a Mistake Only
From
EMPLOYEE
CRACKED POT
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had be! en made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'
The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'
'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'
'For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
And send this to any or all of your Crack Pot friends within 5 minutes and see what happens! Don't forget the
Crack Pot that sent it to you!!
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had be! en made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'
The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'
'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'
'For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
And send this to any or all of your Crack Pot friends within 5 minutes and see what happens! Don't forget the
Crack Pot that sent it to you!!
Stages in Life
We have 3 stupid stages of life………..
Teen age:
Have Time + Energy …but No Money
Working Age:
Have Money + Energy …but No Time
Old age:
Have Time + Money …but no Energy
Teen age:
Have Time + Energy …but No Money
Working Age:
Have Money + Energy …but No Time
Old age:
Have Time + Money …but no Energy
The Art of Appraisal
The Art of Appraisal
Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".
Kumar: What? How come 'average'?
Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
Kumar: What???
Big Boss : Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.
Big Boss : This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
Kumar: Huh? *Confused*
Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
Kumar : Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?
Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
Big Boss : See! That's why you need to learn about it.
Kumar: *head spinning*
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
Kumar : Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.
Big Boss :*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
Big Boss : That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.
Big Boss : Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.
Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
Kumar : What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?
Big Boss : Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
Kumar: *faints*
Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".
Kumar: What? How come 'average'?
Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
Kumar: What???
Big Boss : Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.
Big Boss : This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
Kumar: Huh? *Confused*
Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
Kumar : Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?
Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
Big Boss : See! That's why you need to learn about it.
Kumar: *head spinning*
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
Kumar : Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.
Big Boss :*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
Big Boss : That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.
Big Boss : Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.
Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
Kumar : What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?
Big Boss : Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
Kumar: *faints*
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